Mark’s final journal was our shared journal. I explained it in the following post from February 2025. It is my favorite journal of course. After Mark passed I kept it beside my bed and even slept with it beside me a couple times. If I traveled this journal traveled with me. That lasted a couple months and it is now either safely in my drawer or packed away with his other journals. I had thought that no one would ever, EVER see it and that when I died I would ask that it be placed at my side in my coffin… And yet here it is….

Here is how it works… We both knew that we would write things down that weren’t so easy to say or to listen to.  Nice things – but with more depth of feeling.  Using words that we don’t normally speak aloud. .  Maybe a tough topic needed to be introduced? One of us would write and leave the book in the dresser of the other.  Sometimes we wrote three days in a row.  Sometimes we waited a year without writing.   Sometimes only one of us wrote several entries in a row.  

Love Notes

Over the last ten years of Mark’s life we only filled this journal halfway.  There was never any pressure to write, but what thrill it was to open my dresser drawer and find the journal!  It was a joy to remember to write something and tuck it away for Mark.

I have struggled over what I should share.  These are obviously very personal entries, but here is the deal.  I was blessed with such a wonderful marriage.  I sincerely wish the same for every man and woman that I know, or that I have never met.  I think that by sharing some of our words with the public, perhaps we are setting an example of things couples could possibly be saying to each other.  It is obviously not all mushy because that is not real life. I have often thought that too many women expect their man to bring them flowers everyday and talk like the men in romance novels…. All couples will have their way of communicating and I am just sharing what we had.

Over this series of blogs regarding Mark’s journals it should be clear that we were not always quite like this and great effort was made to reach this point.  The effort continued until the day he died, when I stood there trying to force him to eat a spoonful of yogurt or pleading with him to take a sip through the straw.  It obviously wasn’t what he needed, but I just wanted to make things right for him. He would try to please me because he had learned to focus on my desires.

How clearly I can see him, days before he passed, looking at me soooo intently.  Trying to fill his voice with as much sincerity as he could with expressions of love.  “I am you and you are me!  We are one!”  We were one – and it took years and years of effort of the part of both of us.  We both worked hard and we both reaped the benefits.

My plan was to share only Mark’s words to me, but I think it may be of interest to include some of my entries as well.  

I won’t include everything of course.  Please know that my intent is to share words from a happy marriage in order to share ideas for ways that your own marriage or relationship could improve…. Samples of words that you could use. Little by little over many years.

This time around I am going to italicize my words.  Mark’s words will be in bold. [commentary is in brackets]

• I feel like I am bursting with love for you!  Here is a little book that we can share.  We can share our love, our concerns, our humor, our lives!!  I am so excited to be on a date tonight – you are my favorite person on the planet!  All my love!
• You are an amazing and wonderful person!  This little book is a great idea.  I look forward to coming closer together through this book.  Time with you this past week has been magical.  It has been simple as well.  We can live the rest of eternity like this if we keep our hearts open and share our thoughts. I love you!
• ………………………I have been watching you and thinking of our “journey” through life together.  With you by my side I have confidence.  You are strong in every way and I love the way you take care of our family.  Nice job with the raspberry patch……………………………. I love you!
• …………………………….….[some nice words about parenting and loving our kids] I was just so happy to be with you and to be your husband.  This morning I read that God gives men weakness so they may be humble.  I’m certainly humbled by my weakness but so blessed by your love for me and your patient help.  I love you really a lot!  All my burdens feel lifted when you smile at me.  Thank you!
• Thank you so much for making fires each day. When it is cold and gray outside the fire brings sunshine.  Especially when you make it.  I feel your love everyday!
• I love to see you smile.  Your smile warms my heart and makes everything in the world right.  When you smile at me I feel like Superman.  My goal in life is to help you smile.  I love you!
• …………………………..As I listened to uplifting words I was also feeling a deep love for you.  I thought of how often these thoughts of love come during spiritual experiences….. when my spirit is touched, thoughts of you come naturally.  You are such a part of me – and I rejoice in our love.  I believe our Father in Heaven is also pleased.  I love you!
• I came home to a cold house without you here.  This is not a new thought but a reminder that you are what I long to come home to when I am gone…………………..… It takes real effort to be together, really together………………..…I remember telling my dad before we were married that I just want to be with you.  I was (and am) happy when we are together.  That is what makes you so special to me, you are a person I want to be with.
• I smile and sometimes chuckle at you being the father of teenaged daughters who seemed determined to “raise you right.”  You are a good sport.  I want to thank you for loving the temple.  And before you loved it you were always supportive. What a blessing to our family.  Just as the price of a virtuous woman is far above rubies, the price of a man who loves the temple must be also.  Even better is how you have shared this love with other men – thus blessing their wives and families also.  I love you!
• The last two weeks of [Christmas] vacation have really been a great experience. There has been a spirit of love at home.  I know that much of that is a result of your efforts to make Christmas a special occasion but I think it is also a result of our years of work to do the right things and raise the kids as we are instructed by the Lord.  It was really a great two weeks.  This has again added to my love for you.  My love grows each day I live another day with you.  As a silly example… last night at Costco I just added a little more love in my “I love Corinne” bucket.  The whole thing with where to wait for you after getting pictures made me smile.  But the best part was that we could smile and laugh about it rather than be upset.  I look forward to many more years of days with you.  I love you!
• I have told you what a great experience I have been having these past weeks as I compile our FHE book.  It has been both sweet and powerful.  I marvel at what we pulled off together and I believe I am falling in love again and again.   I enjoyed watching you sing in church yesterday and felt very blessed to be your wife…………………..… All my love!
• I’ve been so aware of how the Lord has prepared us and our relationship to do hard things together.  As we start another cancer experience we can work together and support each other……………….…. Now we face a major life change with a move. We can do this together………………………. I love you!
• This morning you watched, and I peeked at, a video….. as part of that video a comment was made that regard, “What he valued in life?”  ………………….….During my meeting I thought about “What I value in life” ………….…… I can quickly answer what I value in life, YOU and the KIDS!  I didn’t just say that; I really feel that statement.  I put very little value on anything else.  Not possessions or personal time or really any other relationships.  My life’s purpose is to make you happy.    Over the course of the morning I realized that happiness is to really the objective.  The objective is to give you and the kids JOY!  And joy comes only through Christ.  This makes me think of the other conversations we have had this weekend about family activities.  We’ve had some great ones!  I just want to say that I feel an inspiration to focus on helping to continue to find opportunities to have have joyful family activities.  I love you very much!
• Thank you for focusing on the family.  We are all blessed to have you as our father/husband – especially me – ……………..[words about our praying together as a couple]….. ………………we have a rather heavy load at the moment and we need all the help we can get.  I love you!
• We do have a heavy load right now………….….[speaks of some things we both have going on]…………..…….  Our relationship is strong.  Probably the strongest it has been.  So many little things have come together to help us face the big things.  For example……[working on budget, etc.]…………………….  Again, not a big deal but it brings us together with one more stitch in a big tapestry.  I love you and admire you.  I look forward to the moments we have together.
• I am always pleased when you are able to come home early from a business trip!  It is like getting bonus days!  I want you to know how much it meant to me………………..…[helping with a project and the kids followed his example]…………….  Your love and support mean so much to me.  I have more confidence being myself and doing what I know I need to do when I know you are standing with me.  I will try to do the same for you.  I love you and I love our marriage.
• The past few months have been transformational for me.  Being so busy at work has brought new clarity to what is of value to me……………….. YOU!  I have one desire in life, to be with you.   I can see retirement as being with you, working together, traveling, whatever… just as long as we can do it together…………………….…..[thoughts about work]…………………….… I love to be home with you and hold you in my arms and see you smile.  That is the meaning of life.  Thank you for choosing to be my wife!!
• As I was folding the clothes I was thinking again just how amazing and wonderful you are and how much I love you.  I have my mindset and my prayers this past little while.  I thank God every night for the Atonement, for His Grace and for you (I’ve thanked Him for you for several years).  My desires and perspectives have changed. I feel my single goal is exaltation with you. I see an eternal perspective.  Many of the things of life and work don’t seem to attract my attention. You are my whole existence!
• Thank you for suggesting Palouse Falls.  It was fun to go out there.  If I didn’t appear 100% supportive I apologize.  I will do better next time.  In my heart I loved it and loved being with you and the kids.  Life with you is great.  I will be happy to travel at your pace. [This was after a last minute day trip – Mark would have been content to sit comfortably at home but I was always dragging him along on travel and adventures – something he grew to appreciate.]
• …………..…….[lots of talk of our potential for our marriage]………….…… we must put in the effort every day to be together always.  If it is what we both want, we can unite and succeed.  Our enemy would want us to fail – but together with the Lord we will win.  You will be my prize!
• Thanks for walking this morning so that we could talk – it is good to be on the same page.  Your new suit looks so nice.  Thanks for lunch.  I love you!
• I love you!………………….……..   You are amazing.  You are one-of-a-kind.  There is other on earth like you…………………………………………………………… I love you and work hard to bring joy to your life.
• ………………….[lots of words about moving – I drove with him to Texas and left him there for a few months]……………..…….. I believe we are learning to trust in God more than before.  We are also better at trusting each other. ……….[you have prayed for me] to have confidence – and have confidence in my husband.  You are a wonderful husband and father.  You are also very successful at work and I am so proud of you!!………………………..[words about being apart, scripture reading and prayer]……………………… I love you and miss you already.  I know we are in the Lord’s hands and it will work out for the best.  I love you!
• I am unable to express verbally how I feel about………………….…….[conversations we’d been having about scriptures and spiritual matters]……………………….  So – my feelings are a deep stirring of happiness that you are beginning to share my feelings and we can be more united in our efforts to follow our promptings.  So happy to be back together!  I love you so much!  Thank you for all you do to serve our little family!  A great husband and father!!
• For the several months of our move I’ve seen this notebook in my drawer and wanted to write a note but I know you would not see it.  For several months I’ve been so impressed with you and the way you have executed the move.  It has been much harder for you than for me.  You have been leaving dear family and friends and I know much of this move is for me and my career…………….……….. Thank you!  My love for you grows each day.  You are a wonderful person and you draw people to you.  It is an honor to be your husband.  Thank you for being my wife and best friend.
• I know you are on the road and work has become very stressful.  I hope a little love letter can bring a smile.  Thank you for working in the yard this week and for helping to cut carrots yesterday.  I really enjoy my life with you.  You know that I love you very much.  Lately I feel that I should express how much I like you as well.  You make me smile and are my dearest friend.  I love hearing about the growth and new insights you are enjoying with our move. Remember to be wary of Satan’s traps – we can prevail if we trust the Lord.  It’s all about family – thank you for your priceless contributions.  I love you.
• A couple thoughts… 1. Yesterday when I was in CA I thought about how our lives came together.  What a miracle to have you in my life!  You are like no other person I know.  I am frequently amazed at how positive and wonderful my life is because you are part of me.  You are a positive ying to my yang and so I say thank you and happy birthday!  2.  On Sunday when we sat at the table after our conversation with a child, you demonstrated again what a great mom you are when you said, “Well, that could have gone better.”  Then you were willing to rethink the conversation and change directions.  Thank you!  You were right and by making a change we were able to greatly improve things.  I appreciate your humility to know we can change our thinking when needed.
• As I woke up this morning I looked and saw you, in your suit and tie, kneeling and saying your prayer.  I’ve smiled all morning to know that I am married to a man who “believes” and lives by that belief.  Thank you!  I love you!
• Thanks for learning about and liking Jeeps [- see earlier friendship blog post – ]
• With all of the stress of………………….……[selling house, etc]………………..…. We are going to miss you but I look forward to having fun memories when we are together.  You are always my first choice!!!  I love you!
• Another entry that has been included in a previous post about marriage.
• You will be home soon.  Let me just say… YOU ARE WONDERFUL!  I LOVE YOU!!!
• I see this book this morning and compose a love letter to you in my mind.  I am afraid they don’t reach you, though I hope you can recognize that my life is a love letter to you!  You, with the children and the Lord are what gives me purpose and meaning……………….…..[thoughts on the autumn air and memories of summer]………………..……. We are so blessed.  I love our family.  I know we are just where our Father in Heaven wants us to be.  I believe our current trials are a blessing for us to grow stronger and to better understand our life on earth.
• It is GREAT to have you back home! Two months is too long for you to be on the road. You are the heart of our home and the home starts to die when you are gone. I love you!
• You are always so sweet to leave what you are doing to help me. I sure appreciate it…………………………………………………… I’m so sorry that you have to go through surgery! Yet I am thrilled that we found the tumor early. [this was prostate cancer]. I am counting on many more years together. I love to be with you and am so grateful for all of the effort that yo make to do what is right and serve the family. I love you
• HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I am so blessed to be part of your life and to be your husband. My birthday wish for you is that you feel the joy of a family that loves you… especially the love of your husband… and that together we receive the gift of eternal life… that gift you have been working towards your entire life on earth. I love you!

Wow – I had not intended to share so many notes – but quite frankly I was enjoying them. I noticed a lot of gratitude in them – maybe this is one of the greatest gifts a couple can give to one another. Just be grateful.

I am grateful for the opportunity to share Mark’s Memoirs with my friends. I mentioned that they have been in my head for two years and screaming off the pages of his journals to be shared. I thought that this would be a blessing for someone but in reality it has been a blessing for me. I feel that they “wrapped up” our relationship and solidified the trust that is so vital to a healthy marriage. I have felt strongly that I could not move on with my life until I completed this project. It is done and that means it is time for me to begin a new chapter….. whatever it may be…. I am working on placing my trust in God to illuminate my path and lead me along.

There are many more entries in our Love Journal but I thought I would conclude with this one from Mark:

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! You know I would buy you a house full of flowers or a giant diamond ring or a room full of chocolate…. But… we both know that what you (and I) want as a symbol of my love for you is a (was) a changed and transformed heart…. A new person….. changed from a natural man and fit for Heaven. That is what I give you today. Last night you showed me your slide show for your dad’s b-day. I looked at the amazing little girl and our wedding picture. I think of how young, unprepared, wrong headed (or ignorant is also appropriate) I was. All along the way I was usually wrong and needed your coaching. I’m amazed at how much you love me to hang in there to see beyond the immediate and into eternity. You have brought me to Christ! Because of your love I have been able to see my errors, change my heart, change my focus, and become the eternal mate you desire and deserve. And so my Valentines gift to you is me! A new me! The me you have been working to build for [all of these] years. Thank you! I love you! Mark