Soon after the previous musings, Mark had A PROFOUND EXPERIENCE OVER THE PAST SEVERAL WEEKS.

This was a pivotal time in his life and in our marriage.  Here are some of the events of these weeks.

• He was promoted to be one of 380 partners in his accounting firm.
• He forgot our wedding anniversary.  This is significant.  He often forgot but I would gently make sure that we both remembered.  On this particular occasion I had felt that I would just let it go, not remind him.  I had no intent to trap him or make him feel bad, and I knew I would not feel bad.  Somehow it felt important to just let it go and see what happened.  It was.
• He remembered that he forgot.  I think his mom asked him about it.
• He led a group of 18 boys and a few of their fathers on a 50 mile hike.  This was the day after he remembered about the anniversary.  He suffered from altitude sickness and had some down time to be alone with his thoughts.
• He began to join me in my weekly worship sessions at the temple in Portland, OR.  I had been going by myself or with friends each Saturday for 2 1/2 years.  In order to not disrupt family life I was getting up at 3:30 a.m. because of the long drive.  Mark was awesome to run the home on busy Saturday mornings, but everything was better when he joined me.  For several years we kept this early morning schedule. We continued weekly worship together (no longer in the wee hours of the morning) until the week before he went into the hospital that final time.  I did go by myself while he was so sick with chemo or in so much pain from his tumor, but those last months, though he could hardly breathe, he was with me.  I told him to stay home and breathe but he said if I was there he would be there with me.  He often needed help just walking – but this decision to join me oh-so-many years ago changed him and changed us.

FEELINGS

• THROUGH ALL THESE COMBINED EXPERIENCES I’VE ASKED THE LORD TO HELP CHANGE MY HEART AND HELP ME INCREASE THE LOVE I FEEL TOWARD CORINNE.
• I HAVE EXPERIENCED AN OVERWHELMING LOVE TOWARD HER.  A DESIRE TO FOCUS ON HER HAPPINESS, HER FEELINGS, HER JOY.
• I HAVE FELT LIKE I WAS CHOOSING TO BE LEFT OUT OF HER LIFE.  SHE WAS GOING TO THE TEMPLE AND BUILDING FRIENDSHIPS WITH PEOPLE I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT.  THE PART OF HER LIFE THAT WAS BRINGING HER JOY AND PEACE, I WAS MISSING.
• I REALIZED AS I HAVE FOCUSED ON MY CAREER SUCCESS I WAS SEPARATING FROM CORINNE.  NOW THAT I HAVE REACHED THIS MAJOR MILESTONE I CAN RECONNECT WITH CORINNE.
• I MAKE IT A POINT TO GIVE HER A HUG, WHEN I SEE HER, SMILE AT HER, AND BE AWARE OF WHAT SHE IS DOING.
• I HAVE NOT FELT THIS JOY TO BE WITH HER FOR A LONG TIME. I’VE BEEN IN DARKNESS AND NOW AM COMING TO THE LIGHT.

Days later Mark is still reflecting on all of this. The following words are all his, but I am going to italicize them rather than writing in all caps (just because it is easier to read) and I am tired of all caps…

I have seen a new land.  A land where my thoughts are turned to my wife and to her happiness.   A land where my desire is to hold her in my arms and where my heart thrills to be near her.

I want to stay here forever.  ……. Wherever it is, it is a land more desirable than any other I have visited.

I don’t know how long it is possible to stay.  It is happiness and joy.  Those are two things that Satan desires to destroy.  He will be determined to make us leave, to drive us apart.

The way to stay as long as possible is to overcome the serpent.  I must learn to crush his head, how to face him and command him to “get behind me.”

He is crafty.  He cannot be easily seen.  He is a master of disguise.

So… while I’m enjoying the fruit of this new land and while I bask in the radiant light of this place. I must study and be vigilant lest the serpent come and drive me away.