I’ve said before that Mark and I were always friends. We always liked doing things together – walking, playing games, doing chores, parenting our children, going on dates… Through these memoirs one can observe the improvement we experienced in our relationship over the years, but friendship was always there. Some couples I know may love each other yet are scarcely friends at all. I believe that every couple’s friendship can continue to improve and grow and be a source of joy to both parties.

These particular journal entries that I am going to now share demonstrate so much about the man and the husband that he became.  This was written in 2015, just nine years before he passed away.  I was blessed with a man who put in a great deal of effort to be a better husband.  In return his own happiness soared because it was all reciprocated by me.  I hope that both men and women can learn from this – it applies to all of us who want to be happy.

His theme is Friendship and his words will be italicized.  My comments will be bold.

Interesting that the issue that brought me back to this journal is the issue of friendship and charity.  

I have been praying everyday for several weeks for the gift of charity.  Some of the empty feeling in my soul has been replaced but there is a very long way to go.

On my mind the last few days is the issue of friendship.  I have one real friend in this world – Corinne.  But I’m often reminded that I’m not a very good friend to her.   (This was never felt by me, I always thought of him as my best friend.  I think that because he was making an effort to pray and learn about friendship – the Spirit would let him know there was room for improvement.). As an example, the other day she got her grades from her college class.  She had the 2nd highest grade.  Of course I was proud of her but I jokingly said, “You study too much.”  That was not nice.  It is what I would have said to a guy but it hurt her feelings.

I’m not sure I know how to be a friend.  It will take a lot of focused thought to learn how to:

• Listen to her feelings
• Respect those feelings
• Act accordingly based on her mood
• Have conversations about her and her topics and her feelings (He was still working on this one, but he did get better.)
• Cuddle when it is hot  (I love to cuddle but he is a furnace so it wasn’t easy for him – He certainly made improvement here.)
• Put her before me (He got really good at this and I tried to do the same for him.)

Next day…

So for a couple weeks I’ve been praying that I might one day be blessed with the gift of charity… that I can understand charity… that the hollow void that are the feelings in my heart might be filled with love.

I was not sure if I was making progress.

Then, as if a painful answer to that prayer, I was headed out of town on Monday when I realized that I had done something to cause Corinne pain and sadness.

For the long flight to Chicago, that night, the long next day and another night I suffering great pain and sadness for what I had done.  I felt a terrible separation from Corinne.  I prayed long and hard to have Corinne be healed from her pain and for me to learn how to be a better friend. (I have no idea to what he referring.)

Late on Tuesday night I had a sweet peace come over me.  This was significant because as part of my pleading prayers I had asked the Lord if there was not an angel in heaven who could help me.

With this feeling of peace came a clarity of thought as an answer to my prayers.  I got out of bed and made a list of things I need to do to be a better friend to Corinne.

Earlier today I searched the internet for how to be a better friend and many of these same principles are in lists for “experts” as well.  That is further witness that my inspiration came from the source of all truth.

How To Be A Friend

• Remember positive times – these should be in my daily thoughts
• Get a picture to take in my suitcase
• Talk about positive times together
• Learn to share my feelings… “I feel….”  (He was still working on that one…)
• Open up and share myself. (Again, this was hard for him… nothing that I have read in Mark’s journals have been a surprise. I knew his experiences, struggles and feelings – but not the depth of those feelings and the great efforts he was undergoing.) 
• Connect this list to the principle of Charity as taught in the scriptures
• Continue to study this topic

Two Days Later…

• Cuddled with Corinne this morning
• Cleaned the bedroom which made Corinne happy
• Painted the dining room wall for Corinne.  While I painted the wall, Corinne painted an old dresser.  It was fun to work together
• Had a fire in the fire pit outside and visited with the kids
• It is always wonderful to see Corinne smile.  I love her so much!!!

Mark was wanting to write a book to husbands.  I would like to say that the things he is writing about here apply to everyone, including wives.  I was also trying to be more aware of him and the things that would bring him joy.  

Mark wrote this in a note to me:  You said you had been noticing Jeeps and wheels.  Thank you! I realize you do that because you love me and you are willing to join in the Jeep fun.  That really is significant and I love you even more for joining me in something that I enjoy.  I love you!

When both parties are trying to do this… well, everyone ends up pretty happy!  When I was engaged my dad told me that marriage in NOT 50/50.  It is 100/100… give your all and get it back in return, but somehow multiplied.

Mark wrote this to me in a note also:  I think it is always a surprise how other people that you think will care about you really don’t.  Of course people are self-interested.  The great part of marriage is that there are two people whose self-interest covers the other person too.  

Here are a few quotes that Mark wrote down on the second to last page of this journal:

“Happiness in marriage and parenthood can exceed a thousand times any other happiness.”  James E. Faust 1977

“Marriage can be more an exultant ecstasy than the human mind can conceive.  This is within the reach of every couple, every person.”  Spencer W. Kimball 1977

The final page was titled, “What can I learn about relationships by studying Christ?”

I am left thinking of what I can learn about improving my own life by studying Mark’s efforts.  He is a good example of someone who understood that the Lord loves effort.