Reverence and Realization

Folding my arms and keeping my feet still were my definition of Reverence as a child.  Life’s experiences can teach reverence in many different ways.  A remarkably reverent moment occurred one day while I was working in the operating room.  It was a neurosurgery and a good portion of the brain was exposed.  I looked up and stopped in my tracks as I felt a rush of reverence wash through me.  This was different.  I worked in the O.R. because I loved it.  I loved the excitement of surgery, the calibre of my coworkers, and mostly I loved to see inside the human body.  This was different.  The human brain is beautiful and I felt almost a sense of majesty!?!  I had to get on with my work, but that moment stays with me.  I worked on the neuro/orthopedic team, but would occasionally give a lunch break or helping hand in the heart surgery rooms.  During the times that the heart is exposed, I felt the same sense of reverence.  There is something unique and spectacular about these organs!

Too bad I don’t have any photos to share.

While speaking of reverence and hospitals… I have witnessed births, deaths, and near-deaths of complete strangers.  At this moment of someone’s life, there is an incredible spirit that comes into the room.   Luckily it was never one of my own patients and I was either an observer or just there to chart; because I was never at my best during these times.  I usually felt my breath taken away by the strength of what I was feeling.  Of course with the births of my own six children I was feeling this as well, along with many other emotions.  So with strangers the emotions just were not all there –and yet the reverence was.  I learned that human life is a precious and powerful entity.

Baby Jackie

Three years as an RN – that was the extent of my nursing career.  During that time I have seen hundreds of surgeries.  I loved them.  I do not love when my family members to go surgery.  When Mark had a ganglion cyst removed from his wrist they would not let me work that afternoon.  I wondered why because it was such a minor surgery.  I thought I would want to be there to help, but when they wheeled him away I had a whole new perspective.  He had gone through major surgery before, but that was while I was still a student.  My experience let me know everything that would be happening to him, and I didn’t like it.  He has since had three complex surgeries.  Greg and Natalie have both had major surgery, and now Jackie’s may be the most intense yet.  Last night I began to think about what it all meant, and I woke up rather weak in the knees.  I didn’t expect these feelings for another three days.   I will have to think about this…..

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