Yesterday, August 3, was my 35th wedding anniversary.

Ironically, I spent the day at my niece’s wedding. Happy for her, sad for me. No – happy for me. Actually rather devastating for me. Actually a deep and rewarding joy inside of me…. As can be imagined, the event was quite a roller coaster of emotions and they seemed to come and go about as quickly as it takes to read this. Hearing the words of the ceremony and being filled with joy as I contemplated my own wedding and our blessings/trials throughout the 35 years together. Hearing those same words and feeling so lonely and aching everywhere… wanting to be with him. Holding my daughter’s hand and feeling gratitude for the love and support of my children. Holding her hand and wanting to hold his hand… what I wouldn’t give to hold his hand again!!

During the reception I was grateful to tuck myself away, busy in the kitchen. Greg, Jackie, Kimberly and Allie (Kimberly’s old roommate) joined me and we had a great time setting out food and keeping it well stocked. For our funeral last month Lori had arranged all the flowers and kept herself busy behind the scenes; now I was happy to repay the favor. It is also nice to avoid crowds and socializing.

As people began to disperse a couple I had never seen before came to the kitchen door and asked if they might talk to me. Warily I joined them in the hall where they told me about a widow-widower group, with members of our faith, to which they belong (a support group, not a dating site). It has over 8,000 members. They were married to one another, but had both been previously widowed. It was great to be able to talk with them.

Upon learning that I had lost Mark just one month ago he asked, “How are you standing?” To hear it was my anniversary increased their surprise. I simply told them that I had a lot of friends praying for me. What other answer could I give?

Our moments in the hall are very much appreciated. It was wonderfully refreshing to speak with someone, even complete strangers, who understood about losing a spouse. It is different than other loss. Natalie listened to a book about the topic and told me about it. I still need to listen to it – but just from what she told me I was encouraged to know that having a beloved spouse die is a terrible and unique type of loss.

My new friends pointed out that if you look at a group of your happily married friends, half of them are going to experience this loss in the future. We speak of preparing ourselves – financially, sharing passwords, etc. I would add reminders such as enjoying every moment together. Every moment! (I want more moments!!) Build a good relationship so that you don’t have regrets later. Most important – have a relationship with God. When your spouse is gone, God will still be there. He will be your best friend.

I saw this last night and I think that it is very accurate. Read it twice…