Endings

My mom sobbed as we drove away from the car dealership in a brand new car.  Why?  Even with the excitement of a new vehicle, we were leaving behind our old car – and that can be really sad!  Actually, even at a young age, I totally got it.  I didn’t cry, but I felt her pain.  We were leaving behind something that had served our family well and helped create memories.
I love the anticipation and excitement of change… and I really dislike change.  I guess I tend to be satisfied with where I am in life – while at the same time I love to plan and look forward to the new and unknown.  Contentedly adventurous.  Adventurously content.
I recently heard a talk by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf who talked about being grateful in our circumstances – I totally get that too!   The concept of “endings” was also discussed – he was speaking of endings much more serious and life-changing than trading in an old car, but I was still intrigued.   This next line is what really caught my ear – and the following statements were also interesting.

There seems to be something inside of us that resists endings.
Why is this? Because we are made of the stuff of eternity. We are eternal beings, children of the Almighty God, whose name is Endless13 and who promises eternal blessings without number. Endings are not our destiny.
So I was thinking about my resistance of endings – even though I enjoy where I am and what is ahead.  Kimberly’s 12 year old trip was great – the only drawback for me was that I was simply not able to sleep well for a variety of reasons.  On the final night as I lay there not sleeping – I thought of endings.   Ten years – six 12 year old trips…  I was tempted to be sad about it, tempted to resist the ending… Fortunately, time has taught me to think otherwise.  My temptation to indulge myself in the sadness of the sixth and final vacation was overcome by my emotion of rejoicing in six amazing vacations shared with six of my favorite people on Earth!  I freed myself to think of Kimberly growing up and having new adventures, as her siblings before her.
I used to be so worried that summer was was coming to an end and so uptight about the oncoming gray skies of winter that I forgot to enjoy the beautiful autumn!  I have really worked on that the past several years and now I relish every summertime moment while it lasts… I find deep satisfaction in those amazing autumn afternoons (my new favorite season)… and I am still working on those gray skies, but they are improving.

Summer days that end— Cars that get worn out—   Sixth and final 12 year old trips.  I feel like I want to hang on to life’s wonderful moments… and yet I cannot, and as it turns out, I don’t really want to.  I cherish them, and move on, and before I know it – there are new life moments to cherish.  I know that there are endings ahead for me (and everyone) that are too awful to anticipate.  Perhaps my practice will small things will pay off.  Hmmm, as I am typing I am thinking that the big ending I don’t want to consider is death… and yet that is the ending that is not really an ending at all.  My own death holds no fears for me – but others…. ugh, I don’t want to think about that.  Someday I will have to come back and read about how brave I was letting summer go… ugh again…

Tennessee – the great Smoky Mountains – was our 12 year old trip destination.  Her first reaction was the same as everyone else, “What’s in Tennessee?”  Hillbillies of course.  First a day of opulence at the Biltmore Estate in Asheville, NC – also a day of backwoods living at Cades Cove, etc. in the Smoky Mountains.  A fun day of roller coasters at Dollywood in between.  Kimberly is a fantastic traveling companion – ready for adventure, no complaints, fun ideas, good conversation, smart as a whip – definitely a keeper.  Motherhood is the best!!!

One thought on “Endings

  1. Motherhood is the best. I would like to go back to diapers and snuggles, but what about their progress and growth. So just have to prepare them to fly. Hopefully there will not be huge crashes…love to see endings as a new beginning develops.

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