My marriage was not all fun and games… but for the most part it was…. I already mentioned one little tale, true or not, that helped me to change my way of thinking very early in our marriage; thus helping to build a solid foundation which enabled us to stand firm when the storms of life came.

In this tale a new husband and his bride receive some marital advice. They are told to write five items on a card and then share those cards with one another. . These five items are the five things that bother them or five changes that they would like their spouse to make.

As I listened to this tale I began to think of the five things that I would change about Mark. We were newly married and in the thick of adjustment time…

Back to the tale. The young bride takes her card and thoughtfully makes a list of things that her husband does that bother her. Maybe there were ten items… maybe there was no limit. I cannot recall and it doesn’t matter. The next morning they sit at the breakfast table and exchange cards. She hopes that he will know that her list is lovingly given, but she also hopes that he will take it to heart and make some adjustments.

In return the husband hands over his card. Nervously she opens it, unsure of what he will say. She reads these words, “I love you just the way you are. Do not change a thing!”

Now as I listened to the tale I was chagrined. My own list dissolved and I wanted to think more like this husband. This is when I began to see those little irritants as a part of who Mark is and love him for it.

I learned to say, “Well, that’s my guy…” or “Oh, that is an odd or irritating thing that he does but I love him and so I will just love that about him.”

I like the idea of Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff. What is small to one person may loom large for another. After hearing this story many things became “small.” This was all so long ago. I know I changed things about myself as well after this story, but I don’t think he ever mentioned any of them to me.

There were a few things, mostly related to manners, that were pretty much unacceptable. We had some lively discussions, comical even at the time. I think it came down to this – if he wanted to live with me as a roommate and practice bad manners then he could go back and live with the boys. If he wanted to live with me as his wife then there was a little work to be done. Bless him – he respected this (and me). As our sons came along we coined the phrase, “Save it for scout camp.” When it was boys only.. well, the standard of manners dropped considerably.

I digress. We learned to live together with love and respect. The snoring was always tough to take but I couldn’t really ask him to change this. I tried and tried the ol’ “That’s my guy…” but the middle of the night is a rough time for me to work through being a more loving and tolerant wife. Haha. For all the wives out there – relish the snoring. I wish I could suffer through it now!

I said that our marriage was not all fun and games. As he was dying Mark expressed a wish to share some of our hard times with others. He was always private but at death’s door there was no pride and his wish was to help others. I will respect this wish but not right now. Just know that our marriage not always ideal, but – built on a foundation of love and friendship – it survived to become rather extraordinary.