As I have been thinking about the effect of our words and actions in the lives of other people, this little story from Mark’s “Story Journal” crossed my path. Initially I was thinking of how it reinforced the idea of being careful about how we talk to children, yet these adults seem to have been at first amused but then showing support and encouragement. (Nevertheless he was affected by them so we need to be thoughtful of all we do.). I’ll save the rest of my commentary until after the story. (As usual, Mark’s words are in all caps.)

WAS HE LAUGHING AT ME OR WITH ME? THAT MOMENT OF CONFUSION, OF SELF DOUBT, OF PANIC WAS A SIGNIFICANT MOMENT IN MY LIFE. I WAS NOT CERTAIN WHAT HAD HAPPENED BUT I KNEW SOMETHING HAD CHANGED IN ME. IT WAS THE FIRST TIME I REMEMBER FEELING UNCERTAIN ABOUT A SITUATION, THE FIRST TIME I THOUGHT I DID NOT WANT TO BE STANDING IN FRONT OF A ROOM WITH PEOPLE WATCHING ME.

I DON’T KNOW HOW OLD I WAS BUT IT HAPPENED IN JR. PRIMARY SO I WAS NOT YET 8. IT WAS A SUNNY SUNDAY MORNING IN CALIFORNIA. I WAS STANDING AT THE JUNIOR SIZE PULPIT IN THE PRIMARY ROOM IN THE “OLD” SAN LUIS OBISPO CHAPEL. BY THE WAY, THIS IS NOW A PARKING GARAGE FOR THE HOSPITAL.

I WAS GIVING A TALK. IT WAS NOT MY FIRST TALK. I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID BUT SOMETHING I SAID OR THE WAY I SAID IT CAUSED THE ADULTS ON THE STAND TO CHUCKLE. I REMEMBER STOPPING AND TURNING MY HEAD. THE PIANO LADY WAS SMILING, THE BISHOPRIC PERSON WAS SMILING, I LOOKED AT MY TEACHER AND SHE WAS SMILING.

SOMETHING IN MY MIND SCREAMED OUT THAT THEY WERE LAUGHING AT ME! I HAD DONE SOMETHING WRONG AND I WAS BEING MOCKED.

IN THAT MOMENT ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SIT DOWN AND HAVE THEM STOP LOOKING AT ME. I THINK I FINISHED BEFORE I SAT DOWN BUT THE WORLD LOOKED DIFFERENT TO ME AFTER THAT. THIS FRIENDLY WORLD OF PRIMARY WAS SUDDENLY A LITTLE LESS FRIENDLY.

THIS EXPERIENCE CAUSED ME TO DOUBT MYSELF AND I WAS SUDDENLY QUIET AND SHY AROUND PEOPLE. TODAY I STILL HAVE FOGGY MEMORIES OF THIS WHEN I STAND BEFORE A GROUP TO SPEAK. AM I GOING TO SAY THE RIGHT THING? THAT LITTLE QUESTION IS ALWAYS THERE.

Alrighty…. first of all I thought that there are many children that would notice those smiles and just relish the limelight for the rest of their lives. This was not Mark. This would not be me. Most of us can probably understand the resulting insecurity.

Few people who have been around Mark would ever have considered him to be one who feels insecure or lacking in confidence. I knew him best of all and guess what? He had all sorts of insecurities and lacked all sorts of confidence. I think that this is the takeaway – he did not let this stop him from being friendly or accepting assignments. Imagine how many times he was asked to emcee a party or be a last minute speaker. He always said yes and always did a great job, but he did not seek out these invitations. He would much rather have been sitting quietly in the audience, as would I. As would most of us.

He used to just shake his head as people used the excuse of being shy or quiet or unsure of themselves to avoid being asked to do any little thing outside of their comfort zone. It is an excuse most of us could fall back on, but just think of how many experience we would miss? Even worse, how much growth we would miss? Imagine going your whole life being stagnant because you like to bask in your shyness?? If we don’t stretch we don’t grow.

A couple weeks ago I heard a person say that it was important to be a friend and she would be happy to be a friend as long as someone is willing to come to her because it is hard for her to reach out. Hmmmm. I think that it is hard for all of us to reach out… but oh-so-worth-it. Friends are such a joy! And who ever said that we should avoid doing hard things? Well, I avoid them when I can, unless I keep in mind the desire to grow and be more than I was in the past.

I want to share a story that I may or may not have included in the past. I was sure Mark had written it down somewhere but I have not found it. Many of our friends may recall hearing of this event, but read it now with little six year-old Mark in mind. Think of how this event opened up professional opportunities for him. He faced his fears when what he really wanted to do was run away.

It was early in Mark’s career as a tax accountant when he realized that he very much disliked sitting in a cubicle and filling out tax forms. When the opportunity came for him to learn more about the R&D tax credit he jumped at the chance. Those around him warned that this would be a dead end for him but he took his chances and had a successful and rewarding career, eventually becoming one of a handful of R&D tax experts in the nation.

Back up that career again, back to the beginning of his R&D experience. His firm asked him to travel to Washington D.C. and observe some sort of congressional hearing in which the big accounting firms were giving presentations (the R&D credit has to be renewed annually by Congress). He slipped into the back of the standing-room-only auditorium to watch.

Mark had come late that day and did not receive a program. Halfway through the proceedings they were all given a break. At this point the person in front of him shifted in their chair and Mark glanced at the program to see how much longer he had to remain and observe. To his utter surprise and absolute horror he saw his name listed as the tenth and final speaker! Only those with permission could enter this room and when the administrative assistant had called to put him on the list she had inadvertently signed him up as a presenter!

Each presentation was being done with a team. All in suits. All with visual aids. One or two smart guys and a few underlings to help it run smoothly. Mark was not even wearing a tie!!

He had to make a decision. Of course what Mark wanted was to disappear as quickly as possible, but he also saw an opportunity. He scrounged up some paper and began scribblings notes. When it was his turn Mark stepped onto the stage and explained that he was the guy in the trenches and was going to tell them what it was really all about. Word is that he did great and I know that he made some important contacts that day.

Some people would say that he obviously had confidence or he would not have been able to pull that off. Well, he was no longer six years old, but I can guarantee that he was lacking confidence. I also know that he grew in confidence from that experience and has never regretted his decision to stand up there, nervous as anything, and face those big guns in casual business attire. He made a name for himself… and no one was laughing.

…Well, except for me. I laughed so hard when I heard about this. Nervous laughter – I could not believe that he had gone through this. From then on I laughed every time I heard him tell the tale, it is one of my all-time favorite stories. Mark is a good example of what can happen when we don’t sit around making excuses for ourselves.