Sometimes it seems that I have woken up on the wrong planet… or in a foreign country… or in someone else’s life. Sometimes?? I could have said that this happens over and over during the past six months, but not just during the past six months. I am rarely living the life I expected – in both good and difficult ways. I think every person I know has looked at the life they are living and wondered how in the world they go to where they are. (This often means that life is even better than they expected.)

In my head I remind myself that I am in “Holland” rather than “Italy” as I had planned. I know that it doesn’t make any sense to the reader, but it soon will… It is all about accepting the unexpected realities that happen in our lives.

Soon after Mark died a friend shared a talk with me. This talk was given by a close friend of his and I would imagine that neither of them would guess the impact that the Holland/Italy scenario has had in my healing process. I am going to share in with the hopes that others will also benefit:

“Holland? What do you mean Holland? I signed up for Italy! I’m supposed to be in Italy. All my life I’ve dreamed of going to Italy.”

“But there has been a change in the flight plan. You’ve landed in Holland, and there you must stay.”

But then you meet others that have been to Italy, and they are all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And you say, “Yes, that’s where I was supposed to go. That’s what I had planned.“

But if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn’t get to go to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things about Holland. Accepting the unexpected realities that happen in our lives can free us from despair and allow us to rejoice in the life we have.

For a new widow I think that this scenario is helpful in incredibly obvious ways. What about the other unexpected realities of our lives… financial setbacks, social issues, moving across the country, serious illness, etc. I think that we often have to accept what is happening, stand up straight and move forward (perhaps easier said than done).

There is a list in my head of all the thoughts I that I could share on this topic. Maybe later – as I retyped this section of this talk I just want all my focus to be on being free to enjoy “the very special, the very lovely” things about Holland.

For months I have repeated this thought to myself. My life is not what I had planned and not what I had envisioned. I am living in Holland. Fortunately Holland is special. Holland is life without Mark but this life continues to be filled with loved ones. Holland is full of beauty. Holland is full of unanticipated adventures. Holland is a new beginning. Holland is my future. I am living in Holland and I am going to be fine.

Though I sometimes allow myself to dream of “Italy,” I have chosen to embrace “Holland.”