Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times?  Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

It was just four months ago that I lost my husband and it was around this same time that I became aware that I had been wronged on a deeply personal level. What was this wrong? Well, my initial reaction was a desire to shout it from the rooftops – thereby hurting the person who had hurt me. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I have some experience with being wronged and the subsequent forgiveness, healing and growth that can occur. Rather than vengeance, it was the healing that I desired.

There is no need to explain what happened, but instead, I will refer to the as “the wrong” and the details do not matter. I am writing so that I can remember and refer back to this for the next time (ugh). One need never ask me for specifics, I am moving on…

Though “the wrong” ranks in the top three or four terrible experiences of my life, I know those words from Jesus – I am commanded to forgive seventy times seven. My desire to be obedient is greater than my desire to commit a wrong of my own by hurting this person through my words. This can be incredibly difficult. Experience also tells me that it is only through Jesus Christ that I can muster the ability to forgive.

“The wrong” created a deep wound in my soul and I knew that what I needed was a healing balm to soothe, comfort and correct all of my pain. Counsel with Mark was not available – he was at first unable to communicate well and then… well, not here with me at all. Somehow I was blessed that this hurt came to me only in the night so that my days were filled with caring for Mark, then planning his funeral, figuring out how to live without him, etc.

Here was my problem: Pain from “the wrong” intensified the pain of grief. Pain from grieving intensified the pain from “the wrong.”

Here was my solution: Jesus Christ

I had made the choice to forgive but it was not easy and I needed His Divine intervention. As I plead for help to be able to forgive and to receive His healing balm I was also pleading for His help and His companionship in my mourning. I also made the choice to focus more time on Christ – read His words, learn from his example, listen to uplifting music and be with uplifting people in uplifting places.

Here is the miracle: I believe that the intensity of my hurt and the intensity of my grief caused me to be more deliberate in my pleadings and choices; then as the healing balm of forgiveness came to my heart, my mourning has also become more sweet. In trying to follow the example of my Savior I know that of Him it is said, “And their sins and iniquities will I remember no more.” (Hebrews 10:17) I would not have thought this possible, but this is the trajectory on which I now find myself. I absolutely did not get here on my own!

I take no credit for this ability to forgive other than making the choice to do so and the choice to ask for help. Christ commanded us to forgive and then gives us the ability to obey His commandments. It is beautiful. Forgiving others is for our own good!

If I am really trying to be like Jesus – well, it is the glory of God to forgive all of us. Therefore I must also forgive… seventy times seven!

And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:32

Here is one more thing: I have often thumbed through Mark’s journal and notebooks, but as I considered this topic, a small piece of paper was there that I had not seen before. I was so surprised at the timing of finding this! It contains his thoughts on forgiving and I will end with sharing them because I think they wrap up my thoughts in a concise way. My words came before I read his words and I love the way they echo one another. There must be truth herein. Here are Mark’s words:

“Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.”

How do we forgive others?

• We don’t try to show them their mistakes.
• We look inward and recognize our need for forgiveness from them.
• We ask Christ to change our heart.
• We bear our cross for as long as it takes with dignity. This is humility.

It is not easy. In fact it is almost impossible for mere men to do. We need divine assistance to do it.