During our final family prayer, before leaving Kimberly in Mesa, Arizona a few weeks ago, I asked that she be blessed with courage and confidence. Following the prayer she told me that these were the exact words she had also been using in her prayers. Courage and Confidence. She thought a third attribute would be helpful. Charisma!

Courage, Confidence and Charisma. Sounds like a winning combination and something all of us girls in the family wouldn’t mind having as a blessing.

I shared this catchy little phrase during a lunch conversation while attending the widow’s conference. Right away my new friend Desiree gave me a better rendition. Courage, Confidence and Christ. YES! This is exactly what the girls in the family need – and so does everyone else.

I loved this all the more because it was just a few days after I had replaced my iPhone wallpaper with pictures of Jesus Christ. Since then I have been trying to understand and then explain why this has been so helpful for me. If I can put this into words perhaps it can help others to see ways that this could help them as well, regardless of their struggle. I came up with this:

I have loved looking at photos of Mark and I together – how happy we were! I was reluctant when I felt prompted to change my wallpaper but I thought I would give it a shot. What a difference it made! When Mark passed away I felt as though my insides had been physically scooped out leaving a giant hole or void. Not just in my daily life and breath but in my entire self. Trying to fill this void I surrounded myself with his images but they mostly brought melancholy and sorrow. I have more than 37 years of memories with Mark – and those memories did not pass away. I still have them. Because I have them – they have their place in my heart already and are unable to fill this new void. Does that make sense?

And so… I had to fill the void with something other than those memories. I chose Christ. He is more than enough. Does it make sense? Not really – but He is more than this world. He doesn’t have to make sense to us. He fed thousands with two loaves of bread and a few fish. That didn’t make any sense. He is God. He is certainly capable of filling my void.

Many days later…

I haven’t finished this post because I wondered if I could explain this better. I kept thinking of Christ’s words such as, “If ye love Me, keep My commandments,” and especially, “Come Follow Me.”

Yesterday during my walk it struck me, and though I have no details to give at the moment, I did indeed follow Him and kept His commandment when I chose to forgive someone for something difficult. I had to ask Him for help – it was more than I could do on my own. (So cool that He gives us help to do what He requires of us… Win! Win!).

I chose to forgive someone – it took much effort but the pain/hurt left my heart. I asked for the Lord’s help and His Spirit filled that newly emptied place in my heart. It has given me an increased strength. Combined with inviting Him to fill the void in my life created by Mark’s passing… Well, I think that my grief turned a corner at that moment. I can still cry on most days but everything has changed. It feels different – I can not yet put it into words, but I do feel that this could apply to all types of grief, trials and struggles that we all face.

I sought Him and He was there. I sought His help to grieve in a manner that would please Him and He changed me. I sought His help to forgive according to His example and He calmed me.

And so… to Kimberly in Arizona, all of my girls and all those I love… We’ve got this. Back to our catchy little phrase – now a bit modified (I don’t see any reason to leave charisma off our list if it includes smiling and being kind). Courage, Confidence and Charisma through and because of Christ!

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

Family, friends and nature – always helpful also ( for the same reasons).