“I would say the long end of weeks or the short end of months.”

It took me awhile to understand what was being said.  This quote was from our radiation oncologist when Mark asked just how long he could expect to live without any further treatment.

Greg had taken Mark to radiation Friday and shared this with me later.  I was glad I had not been there in person to try to work out that riddle of words.  It wasn’t a surprise because our oncologist has already told us that we could perhaps hope for a couple months.  

I won’t lie – hearing this is getting a bit exhausting. 

 I was first told “two months” by our surgeon when everyone thought that Mark’s lungs were rapidly filling with tumors.  I had to call each of the children with the news which was horrible all around…. When those tumors turned out to be fluid we were so relieved.  

Later we were told to expect “two months” without treatment – but we chose treatment.  First we messed around with immunotherapy but I wish that we had gone straight to chemotherapy.   When we realized we needed chemotherapy we were told we had two options… but when the tumors really did have explosive growth in the lungs they gave us both of those options simultaneously.  They seemed to be effective – until Mark started running into doorframes and falling off curbs.

Now with a batch of prolific tumors in the brain we are not even tempted with the option of doing nothing.  Healthcare professionals seem to be lining up to let us know how dire this is… Alright!  Alright!  We get it!

We want to fight – we haven’t come this far to just lay down and die.

Days later – After a week of anxiety and sleepless nights – the past several days have been filled with peace, hope and optimism for both of us.  What a blessed relief – or I could say respite.  Mark is doing well on steroid treatment and all of the symptoms have improved.  We have two treatment options – the only drugs who will fight the sarcoma as well as cross the blood-brain barrier.

1. We could get an increased dose of ifosfamide – one of the chemo drugs he has been taking.  The doctor it would be cranked way up for as long as his body could handle it.  Blood counts and transfusions would be an ongoing issue for sure.  The major downside of this would be a six-day hospital stay every three weeks.  We had been leaning toward this option but after a week at Hope Lodge (which is very comfortable with our own kitchen facilities, etc.) Mark is quite sure he doesn’t want to have the six day hospitalization – four days was bad enough!
2. We had been dragging our feet on option 2 – a daily pill. This is a targeted drug which will attack two types of cancer cells –  soft-tissue sarcoma as well as the type of kidney cancer he had in 2022.  (Those are two of the three possible sources of the brain tumors.  The other option is his melanoma which was about 20 years ago.)  He was hesitant about this medication because of the side effects.  However, he feels that he can face it better if it means staying at home with his own bed, his own food and the possibility of visitors when he is able.

As we speak about death and consider what needs to be done, we also consider the possibility of a miracle.  Haha, I guess those are our other two choices – and given the options… we choose the miracle!  

We are working hard to trust God – this decision is all His!