Several months ago a friend said that she was wondering if we handled cancer so well because we were just used to it. Hmmm, no – I don’t think you can get used to it. I’m not sure about handling it so well either – I think that we just press forward.

Either way, her question has been on my mind for all of this time. The other day I was listening to Gentri’s “Abide With Me” and it took me back to the early days of Mark’s surprise ambulance ride, lungs full of fluid, ICU and me trying to sort it all out in my mind and heart. A cancer diagnosis brings with it so many emotions. There are so many unknowns. Fear, trepidation, worry, and even panic.

Later…

This post has been sitting untouched for quite awhile. I have been pondering the question for several months. Originally I had intended to say that we do not get used to it because it is always frightening and stressful. Then I recalled that second tumor of Mark’s – the ganglion cyst on his wrist. As an O.R. nurse these were not a big deal to us – usually a quick, straightforward surgery. We were young and so nervous! I wasn’t allowed to go to work that day or be in the OR suite at all, so I had to sit and fret. Before pathology came back the surgeon told us they thought it was another giant-cell tumor so we figured we would be seeing those more often than we have.

It was stressful and frightening.

So then… I thought of how much more frightened we were then compared to how we handled his malignant prostrate or kidney cancers all these years later… but it still didn’t feel right to say that we were “used to it.”

It is more about learning from life lessons. I have known times that are heart wrenching and heart breaking and I feel that they are worse than any cancers we have faced. We learn from lessons large and small. When something new arises I actually go back and read excerpts from this blog. I wonder about the commandment to Be of Good Cheer – and then I begin to work on principles of happiness that had once been such a major part of my life… over and over… I guess I am a slow learner. Yet I know I am improving.

A couple weeks ago I heard someone speaking about her sister. This woman (the sister) has had a debilitating illness since young adulthood – almost 30 years of constant pain. The lady talking said her sister remains consistently cheerful and one day she sat her down to interview her and learn her secrets. With pen and paper she inquired of her sister, “How do you do it? Will you list it out for me step by step?”

Her sister replied that it was going to be a very short list. Only one item – draw closer to God.

And so… that is my response as well. It is a process – but as long as you are on the right trajectory… well, it is a good place to be.