As I scratched my friend’s back (because everyone needs that once in awhile), I spoke of being tucked in at night as a child.  Mom often gave me the choice between a back scratch or a backrub.  I usually chose a good scratch.  My friend’s response made me sad.  “I only remember being told to go to bed.”

I don’t know why this had such an impact on me, but it has haunted me for all of these weeks.  Initially I was sad at what my friend had missed out on.  Lately I have just felt gratitude for what I was blessed to experience.

My childhood bedtime was a time set apart from the rest of the day.  We would begin by kneeling in a circle for family prayer.  Sometimes we would kneel along the couch.  On to brush my teeth and wash my face and then bounding into bed.  Tuck-in-time!!  At this point Mom would come in and sit on the side of my bed.  If there was something to talk about this would be a good time, but usually she just sat and sang to us.

My favorite choices for songs included Somewhere Over the Rainbow, He Walks With Me, I Often Go Walking, and The Fiddler Song (There once lived a fiddler in Frankfurt-am-Main.). Lori and I shared a room and as I recall, her choice of song usually involved teddy bears such as Teddy Bear Picnic and Me and My Teddy Bear.  I know that I am forgetting a few – but I thought my mother had the most beautiful voice in the world.  This was also time for those back rubs (scratches).

The other bedtime favorite with my mom was reading books.  I don’t know when we went from picture books to novels, but we loved to listen to her read!  Books took precedent over teeth-brushing so that we could all sit and listen.  She also read to us on vacation – I don’t know how her voice held out!  

Dad would also tuck us in from time to time.  He was the storyteller and my favorite story was “Watermelon Pete” and it’s sidekick, “Watermelon Mosquito.”  Don’t try to find them – he made them up.  He would also sing for us, but only if pressed, and then only in Spanish.  (He lived for two years in Argentina and is fluent in Spanish.). I thought those Spanish lullabies were so beautiful!

As time goes by bedtime changes – we kept family prayer and Mom would often have a book or a series to read to us.  (Do you know we had only a portable black and white TV until I left for college!?)  Even during those teen years Mom was often in my room to sit and talk with me, especially when I was feeling sad or upset about something.  It never occurred to me that she might be tired and want to go to bed on these nights.  It always seemed that she had all the time in the world for me.

I think that our loving bedtime routine has been a source of comfort and security for me.  A foundation that has seen me through many years – well worth their effort.

As a mom I carried on the tradition – sitting on the edge of each bed, singing, reading and an occasional back scratch.  Mark was the storyteller – and he can sing in Spanish as well.  I sang the same songs as my mother, just not as well.  I have never learned how to properly sing He Walks With Me – I just go from one line to another as I remember them.  I suspect I did the same with Somewhere Over the Rainbow.  The kids didn’t know the difference…. The teddy bear songs were always sung and one of my girls liked to request Away In A Manger.  The boys liked to sing Taps together.

The books were my favorite part as a child and again as a parent.  I have a lot to say on this subject – my kids were young when I read the poem, The Reading Mother.  I am including the final stanza  It inspired me to be more like my mother and bless the lives of my children at bedtime as my parents had blessed me.  Tuck-in-time!!

You may have tangible wealth untold;

Caskets of jewels and coffers of gold.

Richer than I you can never be –

I had a Mother who read to me.

I wrote all of this because it was on my mind.  It has been sitting on my computer for a week and not been posted because I feel like I have posted almost these exact words once before.  Now I think it doesn’t matter – I will probably write about it again.  

It is about NURTURING.  Parents are in the perfect position to put down their phones, turn off the television, give of themselves and nurture their children.  Crawl around the floor, get a little muddy, learn to laugh and nurture their children!

If there are no children or family nearby – nurture each other.  We all crave it.  (Covid seems to have crushed it.) You don’t have to scratch their back or read them a book, but think of someone with whom you interact.  What does nurturing look like for them and how can you help?  Then who is next? It has to begin with you….

Never suppress a generous thought.

Extra – Click here to watch a video that I made on my father’s 76th birthday. He turned 83 this month. I think I have included it in this post. I haven’t watched it for years – but it came to my mind this morning. I wondered how I had so many photos of him – but I found out it is more about watching his life, which for him would center around the growth of his family. He is young, then he is raising children, then he has grandchildren… We love him because he loved us. With my mom right beside him, he took time for us, he played with us, he taught us… he nurtured us.

Extra Extra – I am also going to copy/paste the following article by Haily Adams. I read it this morning – these are all her words, not mine – but I thought it was updated parenting (life) advice and went along with what I had written.

What I Discovered When I Disconnected from Social Media

For the last few years, I knew that God was prompting me to step away from social media. I knew that breaks from social media were great for me, but I also knew that I enjoyed the community that I found there. I didn’t know how to reconcile these two things; I just knew that something had to change.

I read a book that caused me to ponder the question, “How much time on social media is the right amount to provide the benefit of the community, without all the negative influences?” For me, the answer to this question was about 20 minutes … a month. I set a goal to make this happen, and with the help of the Lord, it was easier than I thought. The thing I didn’t expect was how much this change would strengthen my relationship with my Savior. I came to better feel the love that the Savior has for me; I have come to understand more clearly the plan He has for me; and I have come to see the needs of the people around me more clearly.

Not Letting Selfies Determine My Self-Worth

I have always known that I am a child of God and that He loves me. I have felt the love of my Savior during difficult times in my life. But too often I was letting social media dictate how I saw and thought of myself. As much as I tried to convince myself that the idealistic images on social media didn’t affect me, it turns out they did. Decreasing my time on social media allowed me the mental peace and quiet that I needed to hear the Savior telling me how He felt about me. I didn’t realize how much I had missed hearing His voice until I created more space for Him to be there.

I have always believed in the plan of salvation. I know that Jesus Christ is central to that plan. But I also believe that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us individually. Larry M. Gibson, former First Counselor in the Young Men General Presidency, taught, “I know that Heavenly Father is concerned about each of us individually and has a personal plan for us to achieve our eternal destiny.”

I spent a lot of time scrolling to try and figure out what my purpose was. Being on social media gave me a front row seat to all the creative, wonderful things people were doing. I learned a lot from these people, but I spent a lot more time seeking than doing. Since stepping away from social media, I have felt guided to know specifically what Heavenly Father would have me do. Many of these things have been surprising and different from what I thought they would be, but they have made my life richer and more abundant.

The Savior came so that we might have life and that we might have it more abundantly (see John 10:10). I’m grateful for the nudges that the Holy Ghost gives to us to help us have a more abundant life.

Life beyond the Screen

The Savior saw those who escaped others’ notice. I love reading stories about Him ministering to such people and teaching them their worth. Spending too much time on social media hindered me from really seeing people in my own life, including my family. I realized that if my children weren’t feeling seen by me, then they would soon be looking to outside sources to validate their worth.

I have been amazed at the love that I have for my children as I have been more present with them. I have loved my role as a mother more this last year than ever before. I have gotten to know neighbors and have been more active in my community. My opportunities for service have increased. I thought that social media was helping me to be more aware, but in reality I wasn’t living in the moment enough to really see the needs of those around me.

Decreasing my social media use seemed like a small and simple thing, but it has allowed me to greatly increase my faith and improve my relationship with my Savior. I know that Heavenly Father loves us, has a plan for us, and has children who need to feel seen by us too.

The author lives in New York, USA.