2017 – another “draft” post about finances.  Here I am talking about our plan for getting our children through college and how it has evolved. The cover photo shows them all as babies because it is hard to let them grow up and struggle, but it pays off.    As 2024 begins I have David and Kimberly supporting themselves through college while Jackie and Natalie figure out their own finances in graduate school.   Sometimes there are circumstances that require some assistance, but I love to see them figuring it out for themselves.  Currently one of my undergrads is finding a hard time making ends meet – but the siblings jumped right on it – all of them full of advice and encouragement.  A couple of them are even having a month without extra spending to show solidarity:

“Because I earn $8.35 per hour!”

Natalie was a college freshman responding to her friends’ inquiry, “Why do you work if your dad is rich?”

First of all – let me say that her dad does not consider himself rich.  The friends had just watched this home video and assumed that since we had a big house….. Hahaha, It has been my experience that living in a big house takes all of our extra income, thus keeping us on level with everyone else.  Even if he were “rich” he would not be just handing out money to the kids.

Back to my story – I was so proud of her.  I am so proud of each of my college students/graduates.  There are a lot of ideas out there about how much college costs and what is the best financial path to get your kids through.  In fact, when Mark tells his colleagues that he has six children their response usually has something to do with how we will ever afford to send them all through college.

Here is what has worked for us and the path through which our plan evolved.

Child #1 – When Nathan first went to college we told him that we would pay everything for his freshman year.  He lived in the dorms and ate in the cafeteria.  We were shocked that his food bill exceeded that of the seven of us left at home!  For the second semester we took away the cafeteria budget and loaded him up with microwavable meals.  When he returned from his mission he was ready for our new plan – we would pay for tuition and he would pay for his books/housing/food.  He had served in the Philippines and was accustomed to eating from street vendors.  This isn’t a habit that can be sustained on his tight budget.  At one point I checked his bank account and saw that he had only $80… but there were several charges to Little Ceasars and the Filipino food truck.

I have tried to teach my kids “not to eat their money” and now was faced with one of the toughest moments in my mothering career.  I so wanted to transfer some money to his account – I knew that his rent was due soon and here he was with less than a quarter of what he would need.  If you haven’t been in this situation you don’t know how hard it is for a mom to not step in and make everything right.  (I should add that he never asked for money.)  This was tougher for me than for Nathan – a few weeks ago we talked about it and he doesn’t remember this particular phase.  What he remembers is the success – he went through a couple campus jobs until he found one that he liked.  It paid well and he did a great job.  In fact he was nominated by his boss to be the Student Employee of the Year for the entire university.  Aside from tuition he paid his  way through college and was the Son of the Year for me – not only for his financial success but because he set such a good example for everyone else.

Child #2 – Greg hadn’t been able to work in high school since he spent most of his senior year in the hospital.  For his freshman year we provided housing and then he was on his own for books/food.  This child!  He not only paid his way through school, he paid the final year of tuition and half-tuition the year before that.  He bought himself a car.  He loved his job, became a supervisor and worked as much as he could.  He supplemented his income by making wedding cakes – a skill he learned on YouTube.  I believe that when he graduated and was more proud of his personal financial accomplishments than of his degree.

The plan has evolved.  As we observed the joy and personal satisfaction that the older children received through working and supporting themselves through college we decided that they could try to pay for their housing as well.  Lucky #3 and #4 – they have carried on.  Jackie and Natalie both work and meet all of their financial obligations.

A few other parenting-college-notes from our home:

• Our kids have stayed and worked over summer holidays.  The housing costs are reduced and they continue to consider themselves as adults (rather than the children we all become when we go home).  They work and save all summer.
• When they have a job they become proficient at time management and do better with their classes.
• After a few years we have provided a car (not gas) so that they can get to work as well as to the more economical grocery stores.
• They all learned to cook/clean/do laundry before leaving home.
• Mark and I learned from our own experience.   During college I used to work all summer and save every penny.  When fall came I would buy some new clothes and then I had scholarships and pell grants which covered tuition/books but I lived off my savings.  I ate soooo many quesadillas and when I felt rich I would cook a chicken breast.  It would last me for several quesadillas… Mark and I only used student loans for his graduate school tuition – by that time we had two kids so we just lived on a very tight budget.

Tuition is expensive and educating six children can strain the budget.  Budget strains are a blessing when you have to figure out a better way to get by.  I am so thankful that my children are learning to provide for themselves.  It isn’t easy for them, but I believe that this has provided an education every bit as valuable (if not more so) and prepared them more for life than the degree they earn.  They have never complained and have instead expressed gratitude for the opportunity to work and learn.

This may not be the best plan in the world.  Yet it is our imperfect plan and we like it!  With all of the parenting mistakes we may have made over the years we count this one a success.  (Parenting successes can happen! ) 

How to measure success?  Earning $8.35 per hour is a good start!