How are you going to handle this?

Last week I had nice visit with a friend that I have only seen once in almost 40 years. She reads this blog and her question to me was, “How are going to handle this?”

Before I could respond she answered her own question, “You will handle this because of your relationship with Jesus!”

I know that she has been praying for us and, as with everyone, I asked that she please continue to do just that. We depend upon it. This strong woman has been through incredible challenges in her life – more than I could have imagined. I loved our discussion because she is a woman of faith and it is always good to connect with people at this level. She knows how a relationship with Jesus is exactly what is needed to survive and be happy. To be in the midst of a trial and keep on smiling.

Here is what I want to talk about today – while speaking of prayer I was trying to explain how I feel a sort of bubble or cushion about me – like I am being supported and upheld by unseen angels. BUT.. and this is important… I find that if I let myself get perturbed at someone or make the choice to be ornery about something… the bubble bursts and I am left on my own.

This is what I loved – my friend totally understood. We agreed that the difficulties arise when we are left on our own. Emotions are difficult to deal with. Fear and loneliness enter the equations. It requires time to summon and restore the faith and humility to return to the level of comfort with which we had been blessed before.

Over the ensuing days I continued to ponder on the challenge of keeping this “prayer bubble” intact. I came to the conclusion that, for me, it all revolved around gratitude. It might be hard to believe if you have not experienced this – but for the past several months I can almost not contain all of the gratitude that I feel. It is overwhelming at times. I want to shout it from the rooftops and yet I want to keep it all inside and relish the wonder of it all.

The focus on gratitude is something that I worked on during our seven months at Doernbecher Children’s hospital. I guess it was a strong, healthy seed that I planted – it has grown and I can harvest it as needed. It no longer takes effort.

So – when people wonder why I am smiling… how can I not? I am so very blessed.

As these thoughts were taking shape and I figured the secret was to focus on gratitude… I read the following thoughts (from Russell M. Nelson) on the concept of focusing on JOY:

1. Finding and seeing the joy in our lives can change the very way we look at everything that happens —— including the difficult moments.

2. The joy we feel has little to do with the circumstances of our lives and everything to do with the focus of our lives.

3. Jesus Christ is the source of all joy.

4. The Savior offers peace “that surpasseth all understanding.” (I’ve written about that before.). So too, Jesus Christ offers an intensity, depth, and breadth of joy that defies human logic.

5. Joy is powerful, and focusing on joy brings God’s power into our lives.

6. Joy is a gift for the faithful.

7. Joy is the gift that comes from intentionally trying to live a righteous life, as taught by Jesus Christ.

Sooo… Focus on Gratitude. Focus on Joy. My gratitude is to God. My joy comes from God. I believe that happy survival comes from Focus on God.

This is real. This is true.

And now – for more that is real and true… our latest cancer updates…

Mark and I are sitting in a somewhat comfy chairs just waiting for a phone call to let us know that there is a bed available for him. We left the house early this morning to arrive at Huntsman for a nurse to access his port. About an hour later we visited with the doctor.

We knew to brace ourselves when she came in with a grim smile on her face. On Monday Mark had a PET scan and we’ve been wondering about the results. He was supposed to have it last week so we could begin chemo on Monday. It was delayed because the radioactive tracers were bad. We learned that each morning Huntsman makes all of the radioactive tracers for each PET appointment throughout the state of Utah. (There is a very short half-life so you cannot be late for your appointment.) On our day the first batch was messed up and they get only one more chance. It was also messed up and so now our schedule is messed up. They moved us into the middle of January but then realized he could not have another round of chemo until they looked at a scan, and chemo cannot wait so they found him a PET availability after all.

I digress…

So, PET results. There is some good news – the lung tumors appear to have stopped growing. There is some bad news – there are some random tumors that we had not known about. We don’t have a baseline PET – thus there are some mysteries.

So, as we wait we are sober…

Oh, and then this. His pulse was racing all morning and our doctor just needs to rule out a possible blood clot so they took him to CT also. Since they had to use contrast he should not begin chemo today as scheduled, but they will still admit us for hydration and hopefully begin early tomorrow morning.

How can we not smile? Why do we smile? Yes, we are sober and we are concerned. We are also full of joy and gratitude. Thankful for friends who know exactly what I mean and hopeful for friends who have yet to discover the possibilities of a life of focused on faith.