“The pathology may take up to eight days…”

They told us this eight days ago. Still no word. I have been feeling that I should write about how it feels as we await a diagnosis of cancer. Perhaps writing my words, getting them out f my head will be the magic that will bring out the conclusive pathology report we are awaiting.

What is going on this time? It is Mark – and he is never too pleased to have his news made public. I will write and not publish until we know more… but here is what is happening…

At the end of April we received a diagnosis of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. At the end of May we were told that it is a marginal-zone lymphoma and not to worry. They will be watching him closely, but the annual MRIs will be sufficient. The first week of June has Mark complaining of a slight pain in his leg when he stretches. A week later we can feel a lump about the size of an almond. A week or two later it has grown significantly and is getting sore all the time. We decide to call our friends at the Huntsman Cancer Institute. They schedule us for a CT scan on June 30. The tumor hurts much more and is measured at 8 cm. They call right away and schedule an MRI but it will be another week before we can get in. On July 8 it measures over 9 cm and we think of it as a potato in the thigh.

Moving along it is July 10 and we finally have our appointment with a sarcoma specialist. He is ready to get this thing out of Mark’s leg and just has to decide if we should have a biopsy first. However, he catches wind of the lymphoma diagnosis and everything screeches to a halt! If this tumor is a lymphoma the treatment will be so much different than a sarcoma. One will have surgery and one will have chemotherapy. Both should involve radiation though that is always considered very carefully in a patient with Li-Fraumeni. We trust this doctor immensely. He has done surgery on Greg and Jackie already and we were happy to be in his capable hands. He offers to do a needle biopsy in his office but would prefer to have a biopsy done under ultrasound with the pathologist present. This will happen only if we can be scheduled by Wednesday in the hopes that the results will be back by Monday morning so that we can be discussed by the tumor board. We agree to do what is best and a biopsy is scheduled for Wednesday afternoon.

Quite frankly we were hoping to have a surgery last week to relieve Mark of the pain. Every day the pain not only intensifies, it also changes. We imagine the tumor growing and pressing on different nerves and vessels. This week his leg has stretch marks. The tumor board met on Monday and Mark’s tumor was not discussed.

Today is July 19th. How is it possible that there has been no pathology report?? He is taking Advil every four hours with Tylenol in between. On Monday he got a little behind in his pain management and spent the afternoon with fever/chills. Of course he is putting in a full day’s work and helping out wherever he is needed. He is a champ as always, but it is getting not only old but worrisome as well. Lately when I encourage him to rest – he actually rests.

So what tumor would you choose? Lymphoma and chemotherapy? Sarcoma and what will have to be a rather gruesome surgery? Different treatments. Different doctors. Could it be something completely different and unknown?

We have a standard in our family that has developed over the years and which says that we will not worry until we know what it is we need to worry about. This is a survival technique but at this point we are allowing all sorts of worries to enter into our thoughts. It feels like every day the tumor is growing and infiltrating where it should not be. Each day seems to “count” more than usual and we wonder if it is getting too late… It would obviously have been easier two weeks ago. We are messaging with the doctor’s office but are otherwise helpless to hurry things along.

So there it is – a glimpse into our brains as we try to be patient and hopeful. We carry on and live our lives because drama would only make things worse on every front. We pray for health, we pray for strength, courage and comfort. We pray. We trust. We trust each other. We trust the doctors. We trust the Lord.